ok...so

the way i feel is all over the map. repentance...definitely yes. love (whatever that is) yes. care...yes. yes i still think about him too much. don't know how to fix that. the text...you'll never know the pain behind that...from every direction. i'm trying to survive the weight of the stares the gossip the negativity and my responsibility for it. i am constantly reminded of it. i don't like me at all and i am not alone. sadness. in my heart i know you didn't want to hurt me but that is not what i hear. i'm sorry for the way things are but there is no way to fix it. only God can. keep praying. i am too